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fanfic: you won't feel so hollow
plastictear wrote in chemicalsunset
title: you won't feel so hollow
author: plastictear
pairing: qmi
rating: r
genre: angst, au
words: 1 200
warnings: cheating
summary: breaking hearts was never something zhou mi knew how to do; unless it was his own.
a/n: qmi angst requested by imxaxreader. and i know i'm absolute crap at updating, and i was supposed to post fic two weekends ago, but i've been sick a lot again and busy with exams, sorry about that. i was supposed to update these in the order i got the requests, but since not all of them are done, i'll just update what i've got ready right now.

The café was mostly quiet, not many people visiting it so late in the night. Zhou Mi was the only worker still there, brewing coffee and cutting cake for customers who wanted peace and something to go with the silence of the coffee house.

It was then, mixing a caramel ice coffee, that he met Kyuhyun.

Their fingers brushed as Zhou Mi handed him his coffee and Kyuhyun smiled, warm and a little shy. They kept glancing at each other the whole thirty minutes Kyuhyun spent reading a book and drinking his coffee, a playful glint in his eyes.

Kyuhyun slipped him a piece of paper with his name and number on it before leaving, winking awkwardly before scurrying off into the night with a part of Zhou Mi's heart tucked in his pocket.

The whole winter consisted of overtly mushy text messages and clasped hands in movie theatres, of sweet kisses in-between Zhou Mi's working shifts and Kyuhyun's classes, of broad smiles and snowflakes in their hair.

Kyuhyun was unlike anyone he had ever dated, and Zhou Mi thought he was falling in love. His stomach kept filling with butterflies whenever Kyuhyun brushed his hair back from his face or kissed his nose, lips whispering sweets words against Zhou Mi's skin in the dead of night.

Zhou Mi drew hearts and bears in the coffees Kyuhyun bought from him, Kyuhyun's lips covered in steamed milk when he pulled Zhou Mi behind a corner for a kiss, laughing silently into the crook of Zhou Mi's neck, arms tight around him.

If it wasn't the perfect romance, Zhou Mi didn't know what was.

Zhou Mi had been living with Kyuhyun for almost a year when he met Sungmin.

Sungmin was cute where Kyuhyun was handsome, short where Kyuhyun was tall (even though not taller than Zhou Mi; very few were), a bubbly personality full of the easy warmth of late spring where Kyuhyun was a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket on a rainy autumn day.

Zhou Mi was still sure Kyuhyun never found out about the short, guilty kisses shared in Sungmin's apartment, of all the times Sungmin's cologne lingered on Zhou Mi's skin even after he scrubbed his skin raw in the shower.

Kyuhyun still loved him unconditionally, still smiled like a fool every morning after he woke Zhou Mi with kisses all over his face. Zhou Mi kissed him back just a little harder, guilt making a nest inside his chest, somewhere between his heart and all the space filled with Kyuhyun.

Sungmin moved away after a few months of their dancing around, something about Japan and designing clothes murmured between their sticky lips glued together in a way of saying goodbye. Zhou Mi gasped under Sungmin as he bit into his shoulder, marking what was never his.

It eased the nausea inside Zhou Mi a little to see Sungmin board the plane and fly off, out of Zhou Mi's life and out of his arms. Kyuhyun was never the wiser, his kisses still sweet and tender, his eyes still warm and soft.

Zhou Mi swallowed thickly when Kyuhyun told him he loved him, and kissed his neck. I love you too, Zhou Mi murmured, even if I did sleep with someone else, he thought to himself.

He loved Kyuhyun, so he told himself every day; Sungmin was a mistake he'd never repeat.

Hyukjae was yet another story Kyuhyun never heard about. He was everything that wasn't Zhou Mi's taste in men; smile a little too full of gums and hair an awkward platinum blond. He was also dating someone, which wasn't usually a feat in guys Zhou Mi went after; unless it was Kyuhyun.

It mattered very little when Zhou Mi was holding onto his hips and moving behind him, fingertips pressing into Hyukjae's skin a little too hard as the ache Sungmin left in his chest was born anew, Kyuhyun's smile shining behind his closed eyelids every time he moaned in completion.

It hurt a little less every time, but the guilt never went away; it then lived under Zhou Mi's skin, peeling him apart layer by layer, until Zhou Mi was laid bare for everyone to see. Everyone, except Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun had received a promotion at his work some months prior, and he took Zhou Mi to Taipei as a gift, the plane tickets held between two fingers like the pieces of gold as he presented them to Zhou Mi.

Two weeks in another country seemed like a good time to forget whatever had been going on with Hyukjae, and Zhou Mi agreed gladly, phoning his boss almost immediately. He also sent Hyukjae a text message in the same breath, never getting a reply.

Zhou Mi deleted his number from his phone the same day, not really regretting it at all; the guilt felt a little easier to deal with afterwards.

It was their last four days in Taipei, Kyuhyun almost passed out from all the shots he had taken, and Calvin something that never should have happened.

Something inside Zhou Mi's chest cracked and splintered into pieces as the older man pressed him against the wall of a bathroom stall and thrust into him so hard it almost hurt. Zhou Mi was limping slightly by the time he made it back to Kyuhyun, who had passed out with his head on the table, a small puddle of drool formed on the surface.

Kyuhyun never asked anything afterwards, simply smiling in gratitude in the morning when Zhou Mi passed him a glass of water and painkillers; still there was something in his eyes that tore apart whatever was holding the gaping hole in Zhou Mi's chest shut, stitch by stitch coming apart.

It took Siwon and Han Geng, both at the same time, to finally crack Zhou Mi.

Kyuhyun never knew, never stopped loving Zhou Mi; or so it seemed, at least. He kissed Zhou Mi with the same fervor every morning, loved Zhou Mi with the same fiery passion that had kept Zhou Mi together ever since he met the younger man.

Kyuhyun had fixed him, filled the emptiness in him; every inch and pound of Zhou Mi was filled with Kyuhyun, the scent and feel of him, the smiles Kyuhyun gave him. There was as much of the other man in him as there was his own self, if not even more; every space in his heart was preserved for Kyuhyun, all the love he could ever feel only for him.

Locked inside their bedroom, hidden from the world, Zhou Mi deleted every number besides Kyuhyun's from his phone, deleted everyone else's face and touch from his mind. Zhou Mi kept only Kyuhyun, only him, filling the hole in his chest with Kyuhyun, sewing it shut with desperation and something he called love

It was all Kyuhyun, no one else. Only Kyuhyun he kissed that night, only Kyuhyun he held onto; letting go of even his sanity.

Zhou Mi filled himself with Kyuhyun, every last cell in him held together by him. Kyuhyun fixed him, made him whole again.

He loved Kyuhyun, so he told himself every day; what else could he need?

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(Deleted comment)
I'm only replying to this one, sorry, but it's less cluttery that way :) AND ALL YOUR COMMENTS ARE PROPER, DON'T WORRY BB. <3

I'm just really happy that you like my angst so much, since I enjoy writing it but always hesitate whether I should write it, in case no one is interested in it ;;

DGfgkfgkjf, you always flatter me too much ;A; I'm just really, really glad you liked this <33

;; thank you
Umm, not anymore so much, but lately I've been sick a lot :(

this angst is beautiful.
i feel sad about zhoumi, though...
although he's the one cheating, but he's hurt somehow...

Thank you!
Yes, I think that even though it was Zhou Mi who was doing wrong things, he was the one hurting more, in the end. It's sort of the controversy in this, and something I hoped people would notice. I'm glad you liked it :)

Zhou mi's an ass in this. Not going to lie. He cheats on kyu repeatedly, but because he comes back that somehow makes it okay? Especially cuz kyu never finds out? What a douche. -sigh-. A large part of me wants a sequel where kyu finds out and leaves him. If this were rl, he'd be found out eventually and they'd split. Good riddance. No one needs a cheater in their lives. Luckily this is a fic so the angst is delicious, but upsetting.

Yes, he kind of is. Though under the surface of Zhou Mi just being a cheater, I meant it to portray that he was having issues with himself and his mental health, that he did it without meaning to and out of being hurt and confused. This was one of those fics that sort of wrote itself, and I wasn't sure what kind of a story I was pursuing when I started this, but in the end, I tried to make it so that Zhou Mi wasn't cheating out of malice or being a bad person, but because he wasn't alright himself. But thank you, it's good to hear you enjoyed it despite the serious subject. :)

Even if Calvin was only one of the 'others' I SAW HIM.
Angsty QMi~
So good~

Haha, I'm glad to see a fellow shipper :D
Thank you! :3

omg. This was so beautiful! Everything about it. The way you weaved the story. The way you mixed in emotions. I love how you left in little notions of way may have happened, making the reader read it again to catch what was going on. I love it when things like that are written. c:
Like, "Zhou Mi gasped under Sungmin as he bit into his shoulder, marking what was never his"
"It mattered very little when Zhou Mi was holding onto his hips and moving behind him, fingertips pressing into Hyukjae's skin a little too hard"

what I really liked, though, was how you repeated some stuff but you didn't exactly repeat it. It was in different words, it had a different structure but it still meant the same thing. I found that very lovely. It gave more of a quiet feel to it. It made you sigh even more, made you yearn for what else could have been said.

This was very lovely. It had me hooked from the beginning. c: I really liked this, very, very much. I must read whatever else you have! :D

Your comment is so amazing ;A; /rolls in your words of praise
Your comment makes me happy, eep, I'm so happy you liked it enough to write a long, deep comment like this.

Thank you! :3 Haha, you're free to explore my masterlist :D


This is so beautiful. Though I feel so bad for Kyuhyun. :(
And Calvin!! I love Qmi but I love Calvin and Zhou Mi together too. <3

Thank you! Yeah, It made me upset too to do that to him :(
Oh, a fellow shipper! Qmi is my main ship, but I really like Zhou Mi with Calvin (and other Taiwanese guys) :D

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